Getting Your Child to Do What You Want

Have you ever told your child to do something and then she does the exact opposite? It's so annoying, isn't it?! Unfortunately, it's human nature to rebel when confronted with another's demand for compliance. So how do you get your child to do what you want or even need them to do? Here are 3 principles you can use to motivate and inspire your child.

Principle 1: USE THE RIGHT REWARDS

The best rewards are not physical or materialistic in nature. Instead, reward her with your time, activities, or expanding opportunities. These types of rewards will help your child learn to value relationships, especially their relationship with you, opportunities, and doing versus owning. (Dennis)

Principle 2: PRAISE EFFORT OVER OUTCOME

Feedback is necessary in developing your child's sense of self worth (Pocock, 2017). By praising your child's effort over her outcome, you create an atmosphere where your child feels safe making mistakes and understands that failure is part of the process. When your child feels good inside, through focused and honest feedback of her efforts, she will be more likely to repeat the behaviors you desire her to do. 

Principle 3: TEACH WITHOUT BEING RUDE

As the saying goes, you catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar. Getting your child to cooperate and do what you want is easier when you are polite rather than rude and insolent towards her. Politeness towards your child might include showing patience, not interrupting or labeling her, being straight forward, and not asking questions of her when you already know the answer (Ginott et al., 2003). This may seem counterintuitive, but by modeling these behaviors, your child will reciprocate. She will feel less defensive and more willing to do what you ask.

Bonus: 

Children are more willing to do what you want when they believe they can do it. Psychologist Carol Dweck, a researcher in the field of motivation, believes that children who are praised for their process, which includes their effort, strategies, focus, perseverance, and improvement, become kids who are hardy and resilient. Click on the video to learn more.

Sources:

Dennis, S. (n.d.). What's the Problem with Bribes? Rexburg; BYU Idaho.

Ginott, H. G., Ginott, A., & Goddard, H. W. (2003). Chapter 3. In Between parent and child (pp. 192–203). essay, Three rivers Press.

Pocock, J. (2017, February 22). Jstor Daily.